BEARDS

So I’ve been growing out my beard for over a month now. It’s a pretty good beard. I’m kind of self-conflicted on whether to shave it off or let it grow uncontrollable. Probably one of the biggest desicions I’ll have to face for the rest of my life.

Yah! This is a serious matter.

I mean, I guess you could say I’m looking less and less like an American and more and  more like a terrorist by the day.

What led me to grow at my beard this time instead of shaving is well, I guess you could say every boy must answer the call of manhood and it starts with a beard. So, to get in more depth of the situation at hand, I wouldn’t just be cutting a lot of hair, I’d be cutting my manhood off.

I don’t think I’m secure in myself to cut off my manhood. Then again, I don’t think I’m secure enough to walk around with my beard.

It is a lot of fun to stroke my fingers through my beard. It’s quite exciting. I feel like I know all the things that wise men would know.

Loved

Well, yesterday was my last day at Heart of the Canyons. I’m leaving to go help plant a new church.

I’m very excited about this. We’ve had three gatherings so far and I’ve loved them. At H.O.T.C, I got brought out by the end to the show that I help do for the children’s ministry. Monica was the one that brought me out and she thanked me for helping and she was just awesome. I’m going to miss the group that I acted with. They were so fun to work with. It was a real blessing to be apart of it all for as long as I was.

I’m really excited for Sacredwaychurch. That’s the new church I’m helping to plant. These last few weeks have been somewhat stressful and interesting for me.

I feel like I’m starting to live life in slow motion.

Weird, huh?

We’re always hearing people talk about how they’re life is so fast pace and how they can’t slow down. We live in America and that’s expected. There’s always something to get done and take all our time until that other task comes along.

Life for me right now is moving slow. Either that or it’s just me slowing down in wich case, everyone around me is moving really fast.

I don’t know how big of a fan I am of this. It’s like fast-forwarding a movie your watching and you’re in the movie too, but you’re not moving like everyone else. Like everything outside of me is perceived as a blur.

The more and more I talk about this, the more and more it sounds like an acid trip.

There are so many thoughts I’d like to put in to words right now that I just can’t. I’ve been like this for the last few weeks. I finally came to my friend Mark to try and talk to and I cried. I don’t think it’s awkward for Mark when I come to him and cry. The time before that I came to him and without any explanation, I cried. There’s something about him that I can lean on. I’ve felt very fragile these past few weeks.

Maybe this is what happens when we slow down…

maybe this is why we don’t like to slow down.

The only thing I’m certain about is that if I didn’t have someone to lean on and cry, then I don’t think I could deal with life.

I came to Mark because because I’ve felt very empty these past few weeks. I came to him and asked him to tell me one thing. I asked him to tell me that Jesus loves me. I try and tell myself that, but I haven’t been believing it. It’s hard telling yourself something and trying to believe it. So I needed someone else to tell me. Mark is one of the few that I go to for help.

Life has been somwhat intimidating for me recently. My vulnerability is scaring me, but at the same time a blessing. I’m starting to look at things in a different light that I couldn’t really notice in my security. Maybe there’s more to brokenness that I could ever imagine. Maybe seeing God, through our own brokenness is the only way to really see the the creator of life.

I don’t know. I guess I’ll see.